From the moment children are born, they begin a quest to become independent. It’s obvious from the beginning. We love to watch babies learn to pick up their food and move it to their mouths, we love to listen to the sounds they make as they’re learning to talk, and we love even those first movements when babies lift their own heads!
All children need the freedom to develop independence in order to build their sense of self – and their confidence.
But as parents, it can be hard not to jump in and “fix” things when we see that our kids are frustrated, angry, or sad.
As if the thought of seeing our children suffer isn’t bad enough, we also know that letting children tackle tasks independently can take twice as long – and be twice as messy - which can be especially difficult for busy parents!
The good news is, fostering independence is in children doesn’t have to be a time-suck – and the results will pay both parents and children back. A sense of independence can instill confidence in children, and can help parents feel more confident in their kid’s abilities.
Here are a few techniques that can help children become more independent – and more confident that when a problem arises, they will have the emotional and physical ability to tackle it.
8 Simple Strategies That Encourage Independence In Kids
Let kids make mistakes
Jumping in too quickly can also lead children to miss out on one of the best parts of learning during childhood: the ability to make mistakes without truly major consequences of failure. Although children may feel as though making mistakes is akin to Armageddon, parents who support children as they work through their feelings are able to take advantage of excellent learning opportunities.
Learning to deal with failure is a stepping stone on the path to becoming independent. The emotional maturity that stems from dealing with failure is crucial for learning to become independent. If children don’t learn how to handle failure, they may become reluctant to take on new challenges.
Let your child call the shots
Another way to support independence in children is to wield the power of choice. Offer your children a few tailored choices (do you want blue, green, or yellow)? Or ask about playdate locations or picking birthday gifts for friends. By making choices that yield positive results, children learn to trust themselves and become more independent.
An added bonus of this technique? Children who are “stubborn” may be less likely to throw tantrums when they’re feeling empowered by their own choices within the frameworks set by parents.
Ask for help – from your kids!
Letting children help with “grownup” tasks is a great way to foster the confidence and skill that it takes to become independent. Why not ask your child to put the toothpaste on your toothbrush? Or brush your hair? Or help with dinner?
The implicit communication when you ask your child for help is that you trust them to be able to do these tasks. You can even ask your child for their opinion on the task to convey that their opinion matters.
Nurture free play
While guided playgroups can be very helpful, independent and unstructured play is also important to developing autonomy. When children play alone or with others, in a safe environment where they are allowed to find their own way toward social-emotional learning, they benefit from the problem-solving that is necessary to independence.
Independent play can also create space for children to experiment while they’re playing, fostering concentration, curiosity, and creativity. Independent play teaches children how to solve the problem of boredom – without screen or gaming systems. Try to build independent playtime into every day.
Put your kiddo to work
Older children may be able to have chores, like setting the table or putting away clothes. But younger children can do some easy chores too. Here’s a list of chores preschoolers may be able to help with.
Research suggests that chores can build a sense of responsibility, self-reliance, teamwork, and more. Plus, you may even find that your child’s blooming independence truly is helpful in your household!
Don’t volunteer to help
Some parents may notice that they inadvertently offer help their kids – even before their kids ask for help. The result of this intervention over time may be that children lose confidence in their ability to solve problems – and they lose the opportunity to practice the physical and mental skills needed to complete at task.
Even if you see your child struggling a bit, it’s best to hang back and not offer to solve the problem at hand – until asked. And after a child requests help, consider supporting the child in solving the problem, rather than taking the lead.
Practice predictable (ordered) tasks
Predictable routines help children become familiar with – and ultimately memorize – the actions they need to take in order to do things independently. It’s through repetition that ordered tasks can be committed to memory – and made easier because they become “automatic.”
For example, a child who independently gets dressed may develop the muscle memory of putting on socks. Children can also learn to reach for their seatbelts when they get in a car, or take off their shoes when they walk through the front door. Making tasks into repetitive habits makes them predictable, and that enables children to become more independent.
Support kids – without taking over tasks for them
As children get comfortable with routines, they may be able to take on more responsibility – however, it’s important to let children do as much of the work as they can. By encouraging your child to retrieve their own coat, you imply that you believe they are capable of the task – and that can instill confidence. Your presence during the learning process can convey quiet assurance and encouragement.
What to say while they work and play
Don’t assume that your child can read your mind: instead, be sure to vocalize your reflections and observations. One way to do this is to use the PRIDE method.
PRAISE: Praise appropriate behavior.
REFLECT: Reflect appropriate speech. Essentially, repeat what your child says so they can be sure that you’re listening.
IMITATE appropriate behavior and play. If your kiddo is coloring, you can color too.
DESCRIBE your child’s appropriate behavior. As an adult, you can “use your words” to describe what you see your child doing. It may feel odd at first, but your child will love it.
Be ENTHUSIASTIC! Of course!
Encouraging Independence In Children
The speech therapists, occupational therapists, and physical therapists at All 4 Therapy are dedicated to building confidence and fostering independence in our sessions. We take a true whole-child view of therapy, not merely addressing isolated conditions but taking an integrated approach.
Reach out to us to learn more about our guided playgroups or independent treatment sessions.
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